I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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