my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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