we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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