Already got asked if we're dating
You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Randomize