She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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