I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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