Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize