I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize