so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
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if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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