You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
That accounts for only three of the penises
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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