My friends, they love my intelligence
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
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In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
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A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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