i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
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But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
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Watching her eat just hurts me
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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