So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Randomize