Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize