so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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