his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize