if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
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