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She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
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