oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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