The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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