so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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