I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize