I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
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Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
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I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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