okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
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You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
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