i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
what day is it and did you see me today?
smell my finger.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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