I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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