Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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