even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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