Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
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I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
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Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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