umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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