I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize