saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
3pm strippers are depressing
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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