I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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