You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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