Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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