I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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