I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize