then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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