The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize