Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
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I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
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I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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