You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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