i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
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