So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
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i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
They have beer where we have blood.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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