i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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