He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
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A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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