So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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