I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
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Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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