I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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