Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
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