I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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